HowTo: Spot A Geek

  1. Native Beard Installation, frequently updated, but never uninstalled.
  2. Native Petruding pony tail, with cat5 cable tie.
  3. Owns a broken 21″ Monitor bought second hand and damaged.
  4. Generally goes on about how the “best way of doing something” needs to be used in situation x and y but clearly not z.
  5. Has got through more keyboards than elton john.
  6. Has an opinion about all hardware whether they have used it or not.
  7. Proper syntax and grammar, are actually, extremely important in intelligent conversation.
  8. Native inability to RTFM / RTM but insists so to all other, lower beings.
  9. Searches for funny comments in source code on Google Code Search.
  10. Say they will turn up to LAN events but sits at home hacking instead.
  11. Makes comments like “Why are all our users so fucking stupid?”
  12. Actually likes windows because it keeps idiots away.
  13. Flip Flops.
  14. Previously undiscovered accents of which no origin can be derived.
  15. Arranges programming languages into linked lists so the “current” lame language can always be monitored and kept up to date.
  16. The more obscure a problem is , the better. The more obscure the required resposne is, the better.
  17. Inhibition to think about anything apart from startrek, security, X-Files, Zombies, Guns and startrek films.
  18. Never thinks about playing games because are far too busy for that….ahem.
  19. Roll Playing Games are King, geeks have been reportedly eaten whole by them.
  20. Repeats the words BSD 386 constantly.
  21. Bitter hate for anything that sounds remotely like “AOL”.
  22. Binary vision of customers, intelligent/stupid.
  23. Tools Tools Tools.
  24. UFO Books, Books, Programming Books.
  25. Unable to read the size 36 print in For Dummies’ Books.
  26. Inability to leave sites such as google, alexa and digg alone for longer than 5 minutes.
  27. Says “back in the day” more than your grandma.
  28. Worships well designed full-tower computer cases, such as the Lian Li PC70.
  29. Freelance.
  30. Uses IP adresses to refer to his friends.
  31. When meeting friends IRL references them by their online alias.
  32. Has totally battered car with 3rd party insurance, or fine car with full insurance.
  33. Has interesting views about the US military and tin foil hats.
  34. Has dreamed of creating a woman robot (sigh).
  35. Prefers using bytes to describe 40gb files.
  36. Makes nasty noises when talking about Vista and SSL.
  37. Insists on hosting their own DNS services and moan when unable to.
  38. Uses mobile computer devices such as pda’s and electronic organisers.
  39. Obsessively interested in RSS feeds ,comedy jokes and oldschool music sites.
  40. Affected by invisible physical pains when boss or client says certain words like “Broke” “help me its broke”, “why is this broke?” or “what does this do then?”.
  41. Has access to more accounts on websites than the chinese government, but makes loads of comments about the chinese government anyway..
  42. Sells Linux CD’s and Shirts Online at no profit
  43. Grins when the word “Opensource” is spoken aloud.
  44. Unable to contain ideas without demonstrating them with their hands.
  45. Visits friends when their DSL/satellite link stops functioning.
  46. Thinks NASA airbrush pictures, and has the evidence on their hdd to prove it.
  47. Can Speak fluent klingon
  48. Favourite Phrases: deprecated, putaq, RSS, CSS, terminal, open*, *owned, *, stupid, user, stupid users, useless users, idiot users, broken users, bad users, don’t break it, please please don’t break it, moron, complete utter moron(s).
  49. Uses Masks and pseudo to describe things faster that only he or she will understand.
  50. Considers the illuminati, Free Masons and the US government to be the scourge of mankind.
  51. Cried at the end of terminator almost as much when Enterprise S4 ended.
  52. Didn’t like DS9 but prefered Voyager.
  53. Noticed that in TNG you can hear the wooden floor as captain picard walks along in s3 ep4.
  54. Has installed an OS more times than gone to the toilet.
  55. Pizza, Cigarettes, OpenSSH can be used to attract nearby geeks.
  56. Know that Google’s headquarters isn’t really as cool as everybody is making out.
  57. Approves of cow’s, or maybe sheep and other FarmYard animals.
  58. Llamas. mmm…
  59. participate in obscure coding competitions… and win.

2 Comments »

  1. G/Q shot up 10 points « MCAndre said,

    October 21, 2006 @ 4:52 pm

    [...] I finally solved the Rubik’s cube, and Azio posted HowTo: Spot A Geek, from which I glean even more points. [...]

  2. list of conspiracy theories said,

    May 26, 2008 @ 4:58 pm

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